This is going to sound weird but I have to say it anyway.
There is not a cell in my body that longs for my episode to be broadcast next week on SVT.
On the contrary, I am filled with anxiety and feel extremely bad about it.
It has nothing to do with the amazing production or the end result. It just has to do with me giving so much of myself while the mujahedin sect continues to witch hunt and watch over me.
By choosing
.the freedom of speech
.the truth
.my constant inner call for justice
.my hope for a better world
… and thus following my values and beliefs, I have put myself at the front of a merciless arsenal of foot and internet soldiers. An organized movement that is so afraid of their illegal whereabouts and therefore existence being disrupted that they keep their own members captivated (at Camp Ashraf) and only a few manage to escape (like my mother) to freedom. You don’t even know the tip of the iceberg about what they are up to.
Cause very few of those who manage to escape dare to talk about them. Yes, not even my mother dares. She refuses to appear in any of my work, none of the documentaries or anything else I do. Even though the mujahedin took her children, her freedom and with that everything from her.
And I?
I get to experience day after day how boundless and organized the Mujahedin are.
So why am I doing a work with SVT?
Because my message is not about me. There is no personal gain whatsoever in this. On the contrary. My family and other ex-mujaheds I talk to are witnesses to how I feel these days before the launch of SVT Story.
I’m feeling like shit, frankly.
But my calling is not about me and never has been. It is bigger than me and I am just a tool that has been given opportunities to manage and exploit an untold story.
The book. The documentary. And now the Episode.
No matter my personal feelings, I’m never going to cave in against my values. Against Goliath.
I saved my mother. I did the hardest part already. But so many are left and don’t have a voice to scream for help.
Atefeh Sebdani’s Facebook account